The two love each other so much that they decided to start a family, either fate brought them to this, or circumstances, but it does not matter. It is important that the family is formed. And now, it is important to preserve its integrity, harmony and warm relations.
The emergence of cold relationships in the family
Keeping love and respect in a family is sometimes one of the most difficult tasks. We invariably get used to each other, we calm down: "He / she loves me, everything is fine." The veil, or rose-colored glasses fall off and there is a feeling of cold - it is not so important that he / she is with me ... At this stage, the pitfalls lie.
But it can be solved. These are those small problems (yes, believe me, they are small) that can be overcome on their own, without resorting to family counselors and psychologists. And first of all, you need to understand - are you BOTH ready to work on a relationship, or is one of you happy with this state of affairs. It's not just that thoughts have wandered into your head - we have something wrong ... he / she is cold to me ... There are always reasons for this, in 99% of cases. They are often hidden, but they are there.
At this stage, you should ask your partner if he thinks that your relationship has become more tense, that you began to swear more often, or, on the contrary, began to communicate less and spend time together. It is possible that the partner is worried about this as well as you, but due to some personal qualities, he cannot tell you, express this. As a rule, this can be hampered by shyness, and modesty, and pride, and even unwillingness to change something.
Sometimes problematic relationships become a habit - yes, this is bad, but this is familiar, this is the so-called "comfort zone". You know what is coming after what, what preceded it and what to expect. But the signal that something is wrong is your PERSONAL feeling. Believe me, it hasn't let anyone down yet.
Getting out of your comfort zone, waking up, looking around you and calling a spade a spade is difficult. It is difficult for everyone - both men and women. But it is possible.
Love, family, respect and trust
So, let's try to figure out what love, family, respect and trust are, and what they are eaten with.
Nature has laid a special mechanism in love - it works on the principle of "rose-colored glasses" - you do not notice your partner's shortcomings at all, but you exaggerate the advantages. And you always make the same mistake - the expectation that the person will subsequently change. This is fundamentally wrong. You need to know that people in their 20s and 40s DO NOT change. They can correct their behavior, opinion, and even point of view, but even this requires a specialist.
That is why it is important not to miss the moment of the rose-colored glasses falling off, and not to let everything take its course - this is the responsibility for the relationship, and it should be present on both sides. If you missed this point, then there is nothing to worry about. In almost all cases, it is never too late to start changing and change everything around you through changes in yourself.
Do plus and minus attract?
Accepting a person for who he is means giving him a choice - who to be in the relationship, how to behave, and what to do. And you also need to find your place, a niche. Then you will feel like complementary partners, not interchangeable. Do you feel the difference?
There is a common expression - "plus and minus are attracted." No, there are no pluses and minuses in psychology, but this very expression implies a difference of interests. Different interests, points of view, tastes, religious views, and sooner or later they will collide. He will find a scythe on a stone and a cold relationship will arise.Mutual and unresolved grievances provoke such clashes.
Overcoming the cold: learning to conduct a dialogue and sincerely thank each other
Often spouses do not know how to conduct a dialogue. This can be learned. There is such a recommendation of psychotherapists and psychologists - "I am a statement."
For example, like this: "When you ..., I feel anger, anger, frustration or sadness, can you explain to me ...." And hug kiss«.
Believe me, it’s a little weird at first, it’s difficult to tell your partner that way. It is much more customary to accuse him of not understanding, not wanting to listen and do as we want. However, for maintaining relations - it's necessary. After several such trials, your attitude towards this method will change.
It is also important to remember that the lover does something for the partner from the heart, without demanding anything in return, not even gratitude. Yes, it is a little strange for our mercantile age, but this remains one of the most important conditions for the longevity of relationships and interest in each other.
You can notice such a situation in any couple - he gives flowers, waits for her reciprocal step, and if the girl refuses to go with him to the ends of the world, she is sincerely surprised - how is that?
Or such a situation - she made him a pizza on a weekday, tired, worked, but does not understand why he now does not kiss her hands and runs after a bouquet of flowers.
Sincerity of intentions is rare, but sincerity is the key to sensual relationships.
"I ironed his shirt until the middle of the night, and he didn't even say thank you" - familiar? Yes, you stroked him. If he asked you and he did not thank you, then it is “ingratitude”. A person has a right to it, but your task is to find such a solution and a style of response to this, so that either the partner understands that it is ugly, or you retain your dignity. You should not take responsibility for the actions of partners on yourself, even if this is your beloved husband.
And henceforth he could iron shirts himself. He didn't marry you because of them, did he?
Three important steps to a strong relationship
There are many situations, you can delve deeper into each conversation separately, but it is important to understand three things in order to overcome the coldness in a relationship.
- First, don't hide your feelings.
- Use "I am the saying".
- Help your partner understand how you feel so they can do something about it.
- Second, be genuine in caring and showing affection for your partner. After all, it is sincerity that is the key to a long-term and strong relationship.
- And thirdly, trust your partner, do not take responsibility for his behavior and actions.
We are all adults, nevertheless we sometimes experience like children. But one has only to remember that love - this is a gift, the family is a legal basis to love this person every day, while making yourself and him happy.
Love - it is like a year - all 4 seasons change in your relationship - if you are cold today, then a little patience and calmness - after all, spring will come after winter! And where else can you see the signs of these seasons better than in the family? Be kinder, smarter, wiser, love and be loved.
