“What happened to our relationship? And it all started so well! " These questions are asked by both men and women, when a turbulent and promising romance that has begun, eventually fades away or ends in a loud scandal. How and why does this happen?
A relationship ending in this way usually goes through three stages:
- euphoria with the indispensable idealization of the object;
- denial and struggle for their illusions;
- disappointment and breakup.
Each of the stages of relationship decay is discussed in detail below.
Euphoria
At this stage, the partner seems to be the embodiment of every conceivable virtue. But not because this is actually the case. The hormones of joy that are released in a state of love paint the image of a partner in the brightest and most iridescent tones, and the shortcomings are either not noticed, or are justified, or are interpreted in a light favorable to him. So, for example, the future wives of alcoholics do not attach importance to the fact that their chosen one likes to kiss the bottle. Or they explain this by the fact that there is nothing wrong with that, that a person needs to "relax" and in general he is a "man, not a rag", so drinking is natural for him.
Fighting for illusions
But time passes, and the veil from the eyes begins to gradually subside. The partner's shortcomings begin to appear more real and no longer seem so harmless and forgivable. In this case, attempts begin to fit a real person into a certain ideal image built in his own head - however, as a rule, it is rather vague and approximate. But changing the character of a person, especially an adult, is hardly a feasible task, given that it is extremely difficult to correct even one's own character, despite the most sincere desire to do so. If we add to this the vagueness and uncertainty of the ideal image, then it is worth recognizing that disappointment in such a case is inevitable. And then the third stage begins.
Disappointment and care
Of course, you can stay with your partner and for many years turn a blind eye to his shortcomings, which can now seem annoying or even offensive. However, many people, realizing the futility of trying to deceive themselves or adjust a partner to their ideal, are disappointed and decide to break off the relationship. And it's good if, in this case, the partners part without pretensions to each other. It is often much worse: the relationship ends in deception, a disgusting quarrel, or the partner simply disappears without saying a word.
What to do to avoid getting into a similar situation?
Many people start to feel intimidated by the relationship after this experience. From fear, they go to the other extreme: they find fault with the smallest mistakes, making hasty and often erroneous conclusions from his behavior. However, this is also an inadequacy.
It is important from the very beginning of a relationship to be able to pronounce all controversial points. This allows you to check how your partner is ready to hear and listen, to meet halfway. After all, if this is not the case, then it is unlikely that a happy relationship will develop with him, because he will take into account exclusively his own interests, ignoring the needs of his immediate environment.
It is important to understand that a person cannot be changed without his will and efforts. And of course it is not worth keeping the already "dead" relationship for the sake of children: if the spouse has always been a good parent, then he will remain so even after the divorce.
The ability to speak your thoughts and desires is also important because it allows you to see each other in their true light at an early stage in the relationship.Of course, there is a possibility that they will end there, but if not, such a couple has a much better chance of maintaining the union. Indeed, in this case, we can say about them that they see and love each other, and not the illusions created by their imagination.
